Stateside

         It was a test of one's ability to eat shit from the start. The highlight was free booze and the Lion showed up on time.

         So the Lion bus was actually on time. Being Argentina, this was a first time experience of something or someone actually being on time. The guy showed up expecting 7 people and 2 bags. It was two people and 7 bags. The lion got to EZE 30 minutes late. Traffic, not their fault!

Delta decided to fuck us. The first girl checking documents and passports said we had the wrong shit. She left to go ask immigration. Wrong paper, we need a stamp. Now I have travel on the same papers, exact same, 4 times in less than 90 days with Delta. Never a problem. Yet today its a problem.

Immigration.
        We can't talk to the dude she did. So we have to hump the bags 2 terminals over and speak to some clown there. This clown sends us to another office. They say they can't do it. We go back. Then they come find us and say they can. We get two new papers.

        The first office doesn't care about the two papers we got from the second office. They now want a different paper. We don't have it. My wife answers her cell. She is the only one who speaks spanish enough to get answer from these clowns. (she is back in Santa Fe) The clown wants the POA I give her to travel with my daughter. Which has fuck all nothing to do with us traveling today.

Rules, laws, and regulations
          First I need a stamp. Then I need two papers. Then I need a completely different paper That I did not need 15 minutes ago. I get the clown to go fetch the head clown. I want to know the exact rule that changed making my current set of papers no good. And I want to see the manual. Being Argentina no one ever knows what the true rule or law is. They just make that shit up as they go.

         The head clown says someone screwed up every time we were allowed to travel in the past. But none of it was her people. Which were the exact people that allowed us to travel. Finally she says it is not their job. It is the Airlines job.

Delta
         Back to delta we go. The original girl is gone. We get a different dude. The plane boards in 35 minutes. Still allowed to check in? Yep! Surprised me too. And he doesn't ever read the papers. He miss up the order and hands them back.
         Now off to the dude that checks the bags. 20 minutes to the plane boards. We are checking 6 bags, 2 are over weight. He say we owe 600 for the bags. Which is true. I say we are military and they are free. He says do you have papers? No but I show him my 3 year expired ID. He say ok.
        Tickets, luggage receipts and he say ahhhh do you have your travel documents. I give them to him. He looks at them. Never reads them. Hands them back. The plane is boarding now.

Security
        Of course has to look at all the soldiers I am carrying. They are super interested in FW's HH book 6. They look at the pages for 10 minutes.

Immigration
        We skip every fucker in line. Off to see the dude at window seven. He clears me for exit. Then looks at my kid. Hey where are her travel documents? I gave them to you.  "O" he says. He looks at them and hands them back. Then asks for them again. Then looks a random pages in the middle of each set.

         Delta shows up asking where we are. Because we are the only ones missing, keeping the door open. 5 minutes till the plane leaves. I say here I am. They say don't worry we will not leave without you. I say only this guy is holding us up.
       He stops fucking around with the papers. I don't think he reads or reads well. He never scans her finger, forgets her picture, stamps her passport. hmmmmmm, quality!

Delta
       They hump our bags for us. The crew helps with the bags all the way to our seats. The dude handing out drinks never charges me for the whiskey. I had six doubles.


New rule! When in Argentina, if at any time you get an answer that seem not right. Go away, burn a cigar. Come back and hand them the exact same shit as before. The answer will change and you will get what you wanted.